Information About Adoption
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Considering
"Open Adoption"?
Agencies will tell you that open adoption means that you can
see your baby or receive information or updates. They will tell
you that the "choice" is up to you. What they don't
tell you is that the choice actually is not yours at all, but
is the sole decision of the adoptive parents.
Don't
believe promises that "open adoption" will let you
see your baby. It is not guaranteed.
Once
you relinquish your baby and the adoption is finalized, you
no longer have any legal right to see your child or receive
information. Open adoption "agreements" are not legally
binding and they will not stand up in court. Adoptive parents
hold all the parental rights. You will legally have no more
right to see your child than any other stranger would. Even
mediation and courts cannot help if they decide to move to another
state.
They are now the sole "legal parents" and your child
is considered legally as if born to" them, they have every
right to "close" the adoption if they see fit.
Want
to keep an open adoption from closing? Be prepared to abide
by whatever the adoptive parents set as the rules or conditions.
They have the right to set rules for how or when you see your
child, how you interact with your child, what you can do in
your child's presence -- even what you can write in birthday
cards. They
can close the adoption at any time. Legally.
And they have no obligation to provide you with a reason.
One
adoption agency employee from a major national "Christian"
agency let slip that 80% or more of their "open adoptions"
close. Don't be exiled from your child!
| "I
thought that if I gave my son up for adoption he would have
a better life. She also promised me that if I did let them
adopt my son that I could see him whenever I wanted and nothing
would really change. I would always be welcome. A week after
I signed the papers, she changed her tune. All of a sudden,
I was a 'bitch' for giving up my child. I was an 'irresponsible'
parent,etc. My son is now ten-years-old, 'she' has long since
divorced her husband and remarried TWICE and her biological
son forced my son into doing sexual acts!!!! The courts gave
my son back to her!!! Now, none of us sees him at all."
- Melinda James, Kansas" |
| "I
had my son when I was 21. Unfortunately, I was much too naive
to understand my rights ... I played right into the hands
of a couple looking to adopt -- a couple who told me they'd
watch him for the few months it took me to get back on my
feet during my divorce and getting out of the Army. Well,
they took my 18-month-old from me. He's now seven years old
now, and I don't know where they are. PLEASE don't let anyone
do this to you. Find out what legal assistance is available
and don't ever give up! - From a grieving mother, Jennifer
from Florida, July 2001" |
| "Yes,
and to anybody considering adoption.. do not fool yourself.
I was not stupid. I didn't just pick some couple out of a
hat. This couple was perfect on paper. Young, financially
secure, passed a homestudy with flying colors. They were sweet,
and sympathetic, they praised open adoption and even agreed
to include Dylan and my little sister in the openess. Just
like most liars, they were good at their lies. I fell for
it, hook line and sinker." - Kati, on Adoption
Insights |
| "I
promised an open adoption to a first cousin, I fulfilled all
my obligations -- she has very cruelly broken hers. She has
repeatedly placed my daughter, now 8, in danger due to a meth
addiction. She burned their home in 1998 by meth lab, and
my daughter is now going through trial -- molested and abused
at 4 and 5 -- still being left with single, unstable alcoholics
and drug abusers -- and no-one including CPS cares. An illegal
adoption by fraud, undue influence, duress, deceit, drugs/narcotics,
child endangerment, cruel mental & emotional cruelty to
me & my daughter now 8 -- no one cares." - Sonya
Tucker from Texas |
| "I
am the natural mother of a adopted child. My mom took her
away from me at the age of 16 and gave her to the DSS people.
After they took her, they told me I could not get her back
and had to give her up for adoption or give her to some one
who could not have kids. So a girl friend at school told me
she had a brother and his wife who could not have kids, and
they wanted her. They told me that I could see her after they
got her. They didn't want me to see her. They split-up in
three years and moved with her to another state. I found her
-- now she is 27 yrs old and doesn't want to see me - she
was told that I wanted nothing to do with her." - Donna
from South Carolina |
| "I
put my first son up for adoption 12 years ago. This was thru
an agency that is still operating out of San Antonio TX. It
was supposed to be a 'semi-open' adoption. I was to receive,
at minimum, an annual photograph of my child. In the first
year of his life, recieved two very nice letters & two
sets of photos from the adoptive parents, whose names are
Bob and Marianne. After that, they never sent me anything,
ever again. I have been pleading with the adoption agency
for over a decade to do something, to correct this situation,
but they won't do anything. They just give me the same old
run-around year after year. I don't know if my son's alive
or dead. What was done to me was unethical in the extreme,
if not illegal. The agency misled me about what I could expect
from them and from the adoptive parents. They took advantage
of my youth and ignorance. My son's name is Ben. He'll be
13 in June. I think about him every day and wonder if he's
okay." - Heather Webb, TX, USA. |
| "I
waited until my son was 18 and I sent a letter to the address
I believe he is living. It was an 'open' adoption in the sense
that I know where he lives and got a picture once a year.
(I am so grateful to know he is at least outwardly in good
shape, but he looks so angry in the pictures.) The letter
was delivered and not returned, but there is no contact from
him and I am coming to believe he wants none. The anger and
fear are fresh, and neither my husband nor my long-time friends
understand, though they try. I have told my daughter that
I had a baby a long time ago but he couldn't come live with
me and it is very sad. That's about all she can handle. One
of my worst fears was realized - my son doesn't want anything
to do with me. Another huge fear of mine is that my daughter
will think I think children are expendable because I 'gave'
him up for adoption." - Anne. |
| "My
family didn't believe that I could be a good mother, so they
took my babies from me. They needed me to sign the papers,
so they told me that I would be able to see my children as
much as I wanted. So I did what I thought was best. I was
so young. Now my kids live with some family far away and I
never get to see them and I never get to talk to them. My
heart breaks everyday, and I feel like there is nothing I
can do. I miss my children so much." - Shannon, Texas
|
| "The
adoptive parents PROMISED me phone calls and pics every month.
Well, guess what?? Now they have changed thier phone number
and i get no more pics. My son is only almost 4 mos. old.
They want to forget that I ever existed. My heart breaks over
& over again every morning when i have to wake up without
my precious son. There are not even words to describe what
i am feeling." - Nancy Horton, Virginia |
Adoption
agencies and lawyers stress to potential adopters that "openness
agreements" are informal and can be modified later on. "Open
adoption" is also defined as being "some degree of information
exchange between parties." Thus, if you know the first names
of the people who want to adopt your child, then it's technically
an "open adoption" and they have no further obligation
towards you. Once they become legal parents, they have NO obligation
to honour ANY promises they previously made to you, in ANY STATE
OR PROVINCE.
|
Considering
adoption? Don't feel you have any other options? We're here to help!
