"My adoption story"
by Brandy L.

Hi all, let me tell you my little story! When I was 20 years old I became pregnant with my son from a guy who was only a friend of mine. When I told him I was pregnant he wanted nothing to do with either of us and tried to convince me to get an abortion. I told him I didn't need him to raise a child and that he will know the name of his father and when he knocks on your door later in life you will have to deal with the questions.

My boss and his wife offered several times to adopt my child, they said they could give my child a better life, I didn't agree with them and quit my job.

I joined a Lamaze class for unwed mothers at a home on Broadview Ave in Toronto, although I did not live there a lot of young girls did, these girls were unwed and teenagers, the home provided them with shelter, schooling and social skills and once their baby was born, they taught them mother skills and helped them get a job and an apartment.

This is a first choice that all pregnant mothers should be given prior to adoption.

The father of my child called me two weeks before my son was born and said he had a change of heart and wanted to be involved in my son's life. We spent a lot of time together as he visited his son and 6 months after my son was born we moved in together and are now married and also have a daughter. We are a VERY happy family and very close, imagine if I had in a weak moment agreed to my bosses suggestion. I would not have my daughter, and we would not have the beautiful family that we do right now.

We have to understand that when a girl or woman is pregnant, especially for the first time she has no realization of how important this child will be in her life. A mother should be given the chance to bond with her child, why do you think that they took baby's away from the mother right away, because they were afraid that they would bond and that the mother would change her mind. You don't need to be rich to raise a child, yes we need money, all you need is a roof over your head and food in your stomach and love and respect for each other, everything else is a luxury.

This is why I do not agree with advertising pregnant mothers to call a number to place there baby for adoption. Even if they offer counselling, how long is the counselling for. It doesn't take days or weeks to get over a decision like that, we need to find ways to help unwed mothers so that they don't even need to face that decision. Some one should promote that first, then if the mother decides she would rather place her child for adoption then educate her on the pro's and con's of adoption.

After I had my son and daughter both my husband and I knew that this was all the children we were going to have, so we went to the Doctor to get my husband a vasectomy. He said we were to young and that things could change, we could win the lotto and might want more children. He held us off for 5 years before agreeing that it was o.k to get it done.

All I am saying is situations do change and I don't think it is fair that a mother be given the option to place their child up for adoption when she has no idea of what being a mother is. She will only know once the baby is born, trust me if more people got the help and support and time to bond with their child, the adoption rate of newborns would drop. Then maybe the children that really need a home would finally get one.

I do agree that many children need to be adopted or fostered, these are children from homes that the parents failed or that society failed the parents. We need to promote homes for these children, not young mothers that are scared and alone, we need to find a way to support them and comfort them and give them time and a chance to bond with their child before making a decision they may later regret.

I know we all have our own opinions and this is only mine, but it is one that I feel very strongly on, my mother kept my brother for a year before placing him for adoption, they would not even give her a job because she was an unwed mother, landlords would not rent her an apartment. If he had been born today I would now have a brother, to talk to, laugh with, cry with, hold and hug and  maybe even nieces and nephews.

We have come a long way but we still need to go a little further to help unwed mothers and that is by giving them a better 1st choice.

Brandy

In-Search-Of: natural brother born October 7, 1963 at the Lachine General Hospital, Quebec, Canada. BIRTH NAME: James (Jamie) Francis Sherrington placed for adoption at age one through Red Feather (Place Ville Marie) now Batshaw. My mother was told that the Adoptive parents had tried for ten years to have a child, the mother was a teacher and the father and engineer. My mother requested that at least his first name stay the same James but she always called him Jamie. You know if this happened and if they kept the same birth date.

Hopefully one day I will find out the truth! Unfortunately this was the only OPTION my mother was given! How unfair to all of us.

About Keeping Your Baby:
• Resources to Help You Keep Your Baby
! Support Groups for Expectant and New Mothers: Parenting Insights and MostLovingOption!
• Confronting the Myths of Single Parenting
• Alternatives to Adoption
• A Special Message for Grandparents

About Adoption:
• The "Adoption Option"
• Adoption Myths and Facts
Reproductive Exploitation
Lures that Reproductive Predators Use
• “Things I Wish I Had Known When I Was Considering Adoption” (pdf file)
The OPEN LIES of “OPEN ADOPTION”
• Wisdom From a Reunited Natural Mother
• The Adoption Industry
• Effects of Adoption on the the Mother
• Psychological Disability In Exiled Natural Mothers

Why Your Baby Needs YOU and NOT a Substitute:
• The Decision That Changed My Life: Keeping My Baby
• Bonding Before Birth
• "What Baby-Brokers Don't Tell You about Adoptees" by Anne Patterson
• "birth-" Mothers Exploited By Adoption (www.exiledmothers.com)
• "My adoption story" by Brandy L.

Looking for Support, Information, Resources for Keeping Your Baby? Mentors? Other young mothers? Check out our two support groups: