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Reproductive Exploitation -- Reproductive
Predators?
What is a "reproductive predator?
Just like a sexual
predator looks for vulnerable women and youth to exploit,
reproductive predators hunt for a vulnerable expectant
mother so they can persuade or pressure her to give up her baby.
They can be adoption businesses which often
can charge customers $25,000 or more per baby from a "completed
adoption," or "prospective adopters" looking for
a vulnerable young mother. You'll see their smiling faces on websites
such as Adopting.com, Birthparents.org and Dearbirthmother.com.
Their "Dear Birthmother" letters are designed to entice
you to trust them, to believe that they are perfect couple who
can provide your baby with everything that you cannot. They might
be your doctor's receptionist, your sister-in-law, your highschool
counsellor, or the nice neighbours next door. What they have in
common is that they want your baby.
But think about it: If a married 30-something woman with a six-figure
income was pregnant, would anyone ask her if she had considered
adoption for her baby? Would infertile couples and their lawyers
invite her to dinner to "discuss the possibilities"?
Would anyone call it a "crisis"? NO! This is because
she is not considered to be vulnerable prey - she has a husband
to "protect her" through his legally-recognized fatherhood.
Don't you deserve to be able to raise and love your baby as much
as any other pregnant mother, whether or not you are married?
These are some of the "lures" that reproductive predators
use in order to get a baby:
1. The Open Adoption Lure:
Promising you that you can see your baby as much as you want.
You may be led to believe that you won't miss your baby at all.
But after you sign the papers, your baby is now legally "as
if born to" the adopters and you are a complete legal stranger
(non-related) to your baby. The legal parents can choose to close
the adoption or cease all contact at any time. See "Open
Adoption - They Knew It Would Work".
2. The Assistance
Lure: Adoption
agency and adopters may exploit pregnant women who don't know
how to access the social support and resources that are available
to them. Adoption agencies or adopters may offer to pay for your
medical or living expenses, thus making you feel that you "owe
them" your baby in return.
3. The Gift or Bribery Lure:
This is when they shower gifts on you or promise money
or scholarships for you or your child. Examples are promising
to put generous amounts of money into college education for your
baby.
4. The Love and Affection
Lure: The reproductive
predator will try to gain your trust and affection, and pretend
to be your best friend, especially if you aren't getting emotional
support from your own parents. Adoption agencies may try to separate
you from her family (and any doubts they might express about adoption)
by offering you a residence at a "campus" or home for
unwed mothers. One adoption agency in New York boasts of its low
rate of mothers changing their minds after the birth, due to their
counsellors becoming best friends wiht expectant mothers. Or,
you may "fall in love with" the people waiting for your
baby, finding later on that you are "trapped into adoption"
because you cannot bear to hurt them by keeping your child.
5. The Ego and Approval Lure:
"Birthmothers are special people." "You can
be assured you are doing what's best for your baby." "You
are a special mother to think of the needs of your baby before
your own." These are used on scared mothers with low self-esteem.
Reproductive predators will treat you like royalty while you are
pregnant, making you feel wonderful to be doing what you are doing.
Then after you surrender your baby, you may never see them again.
Agency counselling may be offered, but often only a few visits,
or at a substantial cost.
6. The Better Job and Education Lure:
The promise of better education job training and scholarships
if you surrender your baby. Agencies may use a misinterpretion
of a study by Bachrach as "evidence" to try to support
(But see "Bachrach's
Study: How Pro-Adoption Organizations Twist the Facts").
They'll tell you that mothers who surrender their babies will
become more financially successful than those who don't (false).
7. The"Satisfaction" Lure:
Reproductive predators who want your baby will encourage you to
make "an adoption plan." They will speak in terms of
surrender being a "positive, satisfying conclusion to your
pregnancy." You'll hear the term "failed adoption"
when someone decides to keep her baby. If you 'choose adoption'
during your pregnancy, and then have second thoughts after your
child is born and you are directly experiencing motherhood as
reality and not just a theoretical concept, adopters and adoption
agencies will try to make you feel like you've failed.
8. The Fear of Disappointment Threat.
Agencies or people wanting your baby may make you feel that
you "owe" them your baby and that they'd be devastated
if you don't surrender. They may spend money to fly-in from another
state to attend the birth, decorate a nursery, drive you to doctor's
appointments, or want to be there for the irth. As they get excited
about the arrival of "their" baby, you will likely be
scared to "hurt them" by "changing your mind."
Other Techniques -- Fraud:
What they don't tell you is that not only do these mothers
suffer incredible emotional and psychological distress for many
years if not their entire lives, but that all financial differences
disappear with time. Raising a child is a temporary financial
setback - NOT a permanent one. If you are not told this, then
information is being withheld from you such that you cannot give
informed consent. This is fraud.
Taking Advantage of Naivety
Besides lures, reproductive predators take advantage of the
fact that, to a pregnancy mother, her baby is still a "theoretical
concept" and she has not yet experienced the psychological,
physiological, and emotional changes that labour, birth and
post-partum will inevitably make to her, "programming"
her for motherhood. She will fall in love with her baby and
feel an incredible need to bond with her infant. If they can
force her to emotionally commit to adoption while still pregnant,
they can convince her that these feelings are unimportant and
"an aberation" that she will "get over."
OTHER NATIONS RECOGNIZE THIS AS EXPLOITATION - see
how Australia differs in protecting the new mother!
Reproductive predators may also work to convince
the young mother that she cannot trust her own parents. Melanie,
who surrendered her baby in 2002, describes:
" I felt very strongly for the adoption.
I protested my parent's involvement to a great degree. But
I was used, manipulated and brainwashed against the agency.
I was told that my parents were manipulating me. The womens
rights activist in me was stroked when they let me know that
I needed to stand up for my rights and not let my parents
walk all over me. They made me feel powerful and ready to
conquer the world.
" I would make this adoption plan and become a strong,
successful birthmother role model. *puke* They convinced me
to leave my "emotionally abusive" home. My parents
and I were close before this. I trusted them, and my dad was
my hero. They took all of that away by making me feel my parents
were trying to control me and were being abusive. They lied
by manipulating me. They shouldn't have that right."
Claudia, who surrendered her son 20 years ago,
describes being manipulated by the adoption agency:
" They have a plan and we fall into them.
They prey upon weakness so subltle we do not know they are
there, while making us feel like we are these amazing strong
creatures above the laws of nature willing to endure the unthinkable
for our sacrifice. We are made into angels of birth...then
they strip us of our children and our wings and we are left
to plummet to the earth. Walking wounded crying WTF!"
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Books that teach reproductive predators how to prey upon young
pregnant mothers:
"Beating the Adoption Odds" by Cynthia D. Martin,
Dru Martin Groves. From a satisfied customer's review at www.parent-to-be.com:
"Wow, if you want a baby by hook or by crook,
read this book! The authors shrink from nothing, including suggesting
looking on the black market and in high unemployment areas and
sending out ten thousand cards with your phone number and the
message that you will help someone who could help you find a baby.
You get drilled on how to approach social workers and lawyers
to the point of lying by omission. This book is seductive in that
it is written in a sure-handed style and provides a great deal
of useful information."
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Websites that teach reproductive predators how to locate young
pregnant mothers:
Advice to reproductive predators from Adopting.
org : "One person we know spent an afternoon
on the phone, talking to college and university student health
centers near her. Through this phoning, she heard about a possible
birthmother contact, which she and her husband are pursuing. Other
phone calls can be made to local high school counselors, hospital
social workers, or social workers and/or family counselors, crisis
counselors or psychologists. Other ideas for outreach might include
a visit to a local clinic or health center, or planned parenthood
center."
Advice to reproductive predators from Secrets.adoption
.com "Send your profile information to those
who work with pregnant women. Mail your photos, profile information,
and "Birth Mother" letter to crisis pregnancy clinics,
county health clinics, local obstetricians and gynecologists with
a letter asking that they refer birth mothers to you. Give your
adoption "business" card to everyone. Distribute several
of adoption networking cards (like business cards, but expressing
that you want to adopt) to each of your friends, relatives, church
members and coworkers, and tell them that you are hoping to adopt
a baby. Ask them to refer any birthmother they may know to you.
You’ll be surprised at how willing people are to help."
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adoption? Don't feel you have any other options? We're here to help!
