Reproductive
Predators and Their Lures
What is a reproductive predator?
Just like predators
such as wolves and lions hunt for prey in the wild, reproductive
predators hunt for vulnerable young expectant mothers so they
can take her child through fraud
and coercion. They can be adoption agencies or lawyers who
may stand to make up to $50,000 per baby from a "completed
adoption," or "predatory adopters" looking for
vulnerable young mothers to befriend in the same way that a
sexual predator might first befriend their victim before using
them. You'll see their smiling faces on websites such as Adopting.com,
Birthparents.org and Dearbirthmother.com. Their "Dear Birthmother"
letters are designed to entice you to trust them, to believe
that they are perfect couple who can provide your baby with
everything that you cannot. They might be your doctor's receptionist,
your sister-in-law, your highschool counsellor, or the nice
neighbours next door. They want your baby.
But
think about it: If a married woman were pregnant, would anyone
ask her if she had considered adoption for her baby? Would
infertile couples and their lawyers invite her to dinner to
"discuss the possibilities"? Would anyone call it
a "crisis"? NO! Would anyone use these techniques
to plant doubt in her mind as to whether or not she'd be a good
mother? NO!!! This is because she is not considered
to be vulnerable prey - she has a husband to "protect her"
through his legally-recognized fatherhood. Don't you deserve
to be able to raise and love your baby as much as any other
pregnant mother, whether or not you are married?
Reproductive
predators
may be adopters who have often postponed childbearing in pursuit
of careers (a woman's fertility naturally begins declining
with age), or may be infertile because of STD's. They want
a baby (they've already bought everything else in life they've
wanted) and they feel that they have the right to YOURS.
THESE ARE SOME OF THE LURES THAT REPRODUCTIVE
PREDATORS USE:
1.
THE OPEN ADOPTION LURE:
Adoption agency or adopters promise
the young mother that she will be able to see her baby "as
often as she wants to" after the adoption takes place.
She thinks that she won't miss her baby at all. After she signs
the papers, the adopters "change their minds" and
there is nothing she can do about it: her baby is now legally
"as if born to" the adopters, and she is a complete
stranger to her infant. See "The
Open Lies of Open Adoption"
2.
THE
ASSISTANCE LURE: Adoption
agency and adopters may
exploit the ignorance of pregnant women who don't know how to
access the social support and resources that are available to
them. During your pregnancy, adoption agencies or adopters may
pay for your medical or living expenses, thus intentionally
instilling in you a sense of obligation, making you feel that
you owe them your baby in return.
3.
THE GIFT-OR-BRIBERY LURE: Adoption
agency or adopters
shower gifts on the mother or promises financial security or
bonuses for her child: Examples are promising to put generous
amounts of money into a scholarship plan for the baby for a
college education, promising things that the mother doubts she
can provide for her child given her current situation.
4.
THE LOVE AND AFFECTION LURE: The reproductive predator develops
a relationship with the pregnant mother, especially if she lacks
emotional support from her own parents. Adoption agencies such
as Gladney try to separate her
from her family and any doubts they might express about adoption
by encouraging her to live at a "campus" for unwed
mothers. One adoption agency in New York boasts of its low rate
of mothers changing their minds after the birth - they boast
that this is due to their counsellors forming close friendships
with expectant mothers. An expectant mother might 'fall in love
with' the couple, not realizing that her relationship with them
will only last until the final papers are signed.
5.
THE EGO-AND-APPROVAL LURE (also known as "The Princess
Lure"): "Birthmothers are special people."
"You can be assured you are doing what's best for your
baby." "You are a special mother to think of the needs
of your baby before your own." All of these are used by
adoption agencies to entice the mother with low self-esteem
and low self-approval to surrender her child. Reproductive predators
will treat you like royalty while you are pregnant, making you
feel wonderful to be doing what you are doing. Once your parental
rights are terminated, you'll be lucky if you ever hear from
them again. They want your baby and will do whatever they can
do get it. Some agencies offer counselling as an afterthought,
but it's seldom effective as agencies as policy do not acknowledge
the existance of long-term emotional consequences to the mother.
6.
THE JOB-AND-SCHOLARSHIP LURE: Agencies promise you job
training and scholarships if you surrender your baby. They often
use a misinterpretion of a study by Bachrach as "evidence"
of this (See "Bachrach's
Study: How Pro-Adoption Organizations Twist the Facts").
They'll tell her that mothers who surrender their babies are
more financially successful than those who don't. What they
don't tell you is that not only do these mothers suffer
incredible emotional and psychological distress for many years
if not their entire lives, but that all financial differences
disappear with time. Raising a child is a temporary financial
setback - NOT a permanent one.
7.
THE "SUCCESS" LURE: Reproductive predators who
want your baby will encourage you to make "an adoption
plan." They will speak in terms of surrender being a "positive,
satisfying conclusion to your pregnancy." You'll hear the
term "failed adoption" when someone decides to keep
her baby. If you 'choose adoption' during your pregnancy, and
then have second thoughts after your child is born and you are
directly experiencing motherhood as reality and not just a theoretical
concept, adopters and adoption agencies will try to make you
feel like you've failed.
8.
THE FEAR-OF-DISAPPOINTMENT LURE: Reproductive predators
use tactics to make a mother feel she "owes" them
the baby and that they'd be gravely disappointed in her if she
does not surrender. They may spend money to fly-in from another
state to attend the birth of her baby, or renovate their house
to build a nursery, drive her to doctor's appointments, or be
present for the labor and birth. Or the adopters's friends may
hold a "baby shower" for them. As they get excited
about the arrival of "their baby," a young woman may
fear hurting them by changing her mind.
____________________________
Books
that teach reproductive predators how to prey upon young pregnant
mothers:
"Beating
the Adoption Odds" by Cynthia D. Martin, Dru Martin
Groves. From a satisfied customer's review at www.parent-to-be.com:
"Wow, if you want a baby by hook or by crook,
read this book! The authors shrink from nothing, including suggesting
looking on the black market and in high unemployment areas and
sending out ten thousand cards with your phone number and the
message that you will help someone who could help you find a
baby. You get drilled on how to approach social workers and
lawyers to the point of lying by omission. This book is seductive
in that it is written in a sure-handed style and provides a
great deal of useful information."
_____________________________________
Websites
that teach reproductive predators how to locate young
pregnant mothers:
Advice
to reproductive predators from Adopting.
org :
"One person we know spent an afternoon on the phone, talking
to college and university student health centers near her. Through
this phoning, she heard about a possible birthmother contact,
which she and her husband are pursuing. Other phone calls can
be made to local high school counselors, hospital social workers,
or social workers and/or family counselors, crisis counselors
or psychologists. Other ideas for outreach might include a visit
to a local clinic or health center, or planned parenthood center."
Advice
to reproductive predators from Secrets.adoption
.com "Send your profile information to those
who work with pregnant women. Mail your photos, profile information,
and "Birth Mother" letter to crisis pregnancy clinics,
county health clinics, local obstetricians and gynecologists
with a letter asking that they refer birth mothers to you. Give
your adoption "business" card to everyone. Distribute
several of adoption networking cards (like business cards, but
expressing that you want to adopt) to each of your friends,
relatives, church members and coworkers, and tell them that
you are hoping to adopt a baby. Ask them to refer any birthmother
they may know to you. You’ll be surprised at how willing
people are to help."
!
Support Groups for Expectant and New Mothers: 
