The
Adoption Option
As
a young expectant parent today in the U.S. or Canada, you may
encounter pressure from the "adoption industry": facilitators,
agencies, adoption lawyers, social workers, and couples who
want your baby. Agencies have customers waiting for babies -
for YOUR baby. For every pregnant teen, there are an estimated
40 infertile couples who want her baby.
Adoption
is where you legally surrender ALL your parental rights to another
person or people. It is NOT co-parenting, and even in open adoption,
you have no legal right to see your baby. In NO state or
province are open adoption agreements legally enforcable if the
adopters choose to move to another state or province. This is
because once you sign those papers, you are a legal stranger to
your child, and your child's new "parents" have the
right to keep any stranger they want away from "their"
child.
Why
is there so much pressure on young women to "choose"
adoption?
Adoption
is NOT the "loving option" that the adoption industry wants
you to believe it is. Adoption puts money in the hands of
lawyers, agencies, and facilitators,
at the lifelong expense of you and your baby. Older couples with
two incomes can afford the fees and expenses that agencies and
facilitators charge.
Older infertile couples who may have waited too long to have babies
or may have had STD's want children. They feel that they "have
earned it." At the same time, governments in North America
feel that young mothers don't deserve welfare. Thus, to keep down
welfare expenses, and to feed customer demand, governments fund
and promote adoption.
"I
would rather have been raised in a car by my birthmother than
have been adopted." - Jill,
an adult who was adopted as an infant.
What's
it like to have lost a child to adoption?
Many
women (including ourselves, the women who worked on this site)
who surrendered ("placed") their babies with adopters
have discovered the unending pain and grief that losing their
baby causes. Many reunited "birthmothers" (including
mothers who helped with this site) have discovered upon reunion
that adoption did incredible amounts of damage to their children.
That it was NOT "a loving option."
Want
to find out the TRUTH ABOUT ADOPTION?
There is a website put together by women who found out first-hand
what it is like to "place" your baby for adoption.
This is the plain unvarnished truth that the adoption industry
won't tell you. After taking their children, the agencies expected
shame to keep these women quiet. They were told "to get
over it." After reuniting with their lost children, and
seeing first-hand the damage that adoption did to them, they're
not keeping quiet any longer.
In
the fact of overwhelming pressure - often from their own parents
- to surrender ("place") their babies, many young parents
are still keeping and raising their children.
If
you can keep your baby, no matter what your financial circumstances,
your child will be grateful to you.
Who
is the best parent for your child? YOU PROBABLY ARE!
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"Millions
of women worldwide struggle with *the birthmother syndrome*
in secrecy - hurting themselves, their child, and
those close to them when they choose adoption. Examine
your options thoroughly before choosing adoption. Your child
has a whole set of biological roots so please ask yourself
questions...who can help me and my baby? Get counselling
and be flexible to ideas to keep your baby with in the family."
- Robin Westbrook, a reunited natural mother who, incarcarated
by her parents in a maternity "home," lost two
babies to the adoption industry.
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Why
this site? A few of us put our experiences as "reunited
birthmothers" into words:
"
I think it is important to tell these girls/women that there
will be lifelong consequences to what is often perceived as
a quick fix to the perceived problem of their unplanned pregnancy.
Once their baby is adopted, there is no changing their mind
later when their situation improves or they realize they have
made a mistake. This is a permanent mistake they will make.
"Also,
before a baby is born, he is often just a concept to the pregnant
teenager. And it is very different to make a life changing
decision for a concept than it is to make it for a baby that
you can look at and hold in your arms. These decisions are
being made before the baby is born. Therefore the decision
of adoption somehow doesn't seem any more real than the baby
does at the point they are making it.
"One
other point that I think is worth mentioning here. I think
that we need to tell these mothers that their babies belong
to them -- not to their parents! Also, even if they have promised
to give their baby away, they don't have to keep that promise!
They don't owe anything to prospective adoptive parents. It
is perfectly acceptable to change their mind, to back out
and "break their word" because this is their child's
life that is at stake! I'm afraid that they may be afraid
to "disappoint" someone else and that might cause
them not to stand up for their own rights. They're probably
already feel like they've been a disappointment to someone
just by being pregnant. So, they're going to be feeling very
vulnerable. I think it is important that we offer them emotional
support! Emotional support and understanding that I wish I
had had at that time in my life!"
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Support Groups for Expectant and New Mothers: 
